Let me just begin by saying I hate Allah! I mean I really hate Allah! If Allah was really as great as his bearded, turban wearing, sand sucking, camel raping followers believed I would be smote before I finished this article…..nope, hasn’t happened yet!
It hasn’t happened because Allah is a gay god! A total and complete sissy, girly, god! He has to be! Just look at how unmanly his followers are. When I think of Allah this is what comes to mind,
While most American men have somehow become so vaginized that they won’t say it out loud, this is how they really feel. Do you know why? Because Allah’s countries are weak, his people are weak, and his religion is weak. In nature, weakness is rewarded with an ass kicking.
This is why so many countries full of manly men have been invading Allah’s countries and kicking his peoples asses for about a 1000 years . They know deep down inside, all politics aside, that you dress wearing, bearded gnomes need to get your asses kicked until one of two things happens:
1. You realize that you’re actually men and stop all your bullshit.
2. You all get completely eradicated.
These are your choices. Don’t worry though, I am here to let you know some great tips on how you can be considered actual men by other real men in other countries.
1. Stop wearing dresses to keep yourselves cool. A real man just takes his shirt off. Real men don’t have time to be hot, or pick dresses out to keep them cool.
2. Put sports teams on your turbans. This would let other men around the world know that you and your friends get together for more than just a child rape every now and again.
3. Stop stoning women to death when they do stupid shit. Real men know that talking down to them in an insulting manner works much better. Why burn them at the stake when you can publicly shame them every day? You people are so stupid you sacrifice a lifetime of fun humiliating a stupid woman, for just one afternoon stoning her to death.
4. Pick a national language that doesn’t make you sound like you’re suffering from delirium after too much gay sex!
If you follow these simple steps you might get killed a lot less. I can’t guarantee it, but it is a step in the right direction.
Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Afghans have fought off every empire that has ever invaded them. How can a country full of sissies do that? This actually ties in to my strategy of beating them in a week. The only reason the Afghans have managed to fight off every empire they ever fought against is because they were never invaded by these crazy assholes:
That’s right, the Japanese. These guys were so tired of being considered weak, girly men by the rest of the world that they decided to kick all of their asses at once! While the mud catfish in Afghanistan declared neutrality and hid under Allah’s skirts, these guys took out most of Asia, controlled the entire pacific ocean for a time, and reinvented guerrilla warfare. These tough little bastards were so committed to not looking like pussies it took two nuclear strikes to get them finally to surrender!
My plan is simple. Give all of the money we are wasting on the war effort to the Japanese defensive force. Tell them that after they conquer Afghanistan we will split the oil 50-50 with them. Then let the brown on yellow violence commence! I see you have your doubts. Let me tell you why this would work so well.
1. The Japanese would not worry about suicide bombers. They WERE THE ORIGINAL suicide bombers. If Afghans strap a bomb to their chest so will the Japanese. If the Afghans set up road side bombs to kill Japanese soldiers, Japanese soldiers will set up road side bombs to kill Afghan Civilians. They will terrorize the terrorists.
2. The Japanese up until Sept.11 prided themselves on delivering the most preemptive war strike on American soil in history. The arrogant Afghan’s thought they could 1 up the Japanese. To Japanese honor, that is the equivalent of killing one of their wives. It must be answered by blood.
3. There would no longer be any more charges of rape in Afghanistan against occupying soldiers. Everybody who has ever watched a Japanese Anime knows that Japanese men are only interested in small white blonde women, with blue eyes, and huge boobs. I haven’t seen Afghan women that fit that bill.
4. The Japanese are not afraid of the Chinese. If the Afghans go crying to the Chinese for help, the Japanese would love to finish what they started in WW2 and invade that country as well. In that case the United States could finally free itself of the Chinese trade war freeing us up from trillions in debt and allow us to compete once again against Chinese sweat shops.
This is a good plan. It would take a bold leader with some guts to implement but I think we could do it. Join with me and together we will lobby congress to sign the “Put Pressure on the Japanese to go to War” Act.
The Bin Ladens won’t know what hit ‘em!
Let me start off by saying that I do not hate vegetarians. I don’t. Really, I despise them!
Even though there is a literal mountain of evidence supporting the fact that they are complete buffoons and morons, still they persist in trying to shove their supposed moral high ground down the throats of meat-eating ass kickers, such as myself.
I figured today I would give a logical breakdown of why Vegans are not only stupid, but pussies.
This article is not aimed at women. Everybody knows that women are overly emotional and think that their little yipper, ankle biting poodles are their kids to be put in sweaters and toted in purses. So women- don’t even bother commenting. Your opinions are not wanted on this article. Nobody would take what you had to say on the subject seriously anyways.
No, this article is targeting men. Especially the men that actually buy into this Vegan way of life.
First lets do the logical breakdown. Men can usually follow that. Are you ready? Good!
Here is the mathematical formula:
You can check my carefully constructed calculations all you want, but you will find they always come out to be the same answers. Let me break down why that is.
Below is a video of Robb Wolf, a very accomplished writer, speaker, and scientist. You will see him kill an elk with a primitive weapon resembling a spear called an Atlatl while dressed in cave man attire. Perhaps the first man in thousands of years to do so.
Watching this video made me want to do these things in this order,
Why, you ask? Because it reminded me what I am. A FUCKING MAN!!! Real men eat vegetables- no doubt about it. They eat lettuce on their burger, mushrooms on their steaks, tomato in their beef stew. Real men do not EAT VEGETABLES as their primary source of nourishment, ever!
Men have forgotten what they are. Too many men have let women’s pathetic animal worshiping cults like PETA convince them to stop being what they have always been, ANIMAL ASSASSINS!
That’s right, I said it. Be what you were made to be. Men love killing animals. They think it is awesome. You know what else? They are right. If animals were worth anything more than a piece of meat on my fucking plate, they would have invented gunpowder, not the other way around.
Men have been assassinating and eating the flesh of animals since the dawn of time. What happened after Robb killed the elk? A BIG PARTY! Why, you ask? Because the men were happy in their recent exploits to assassinate an Elk that dared to think it was superior. That’s right, superior. Did you see the size of that Elk gang, prancing around in the field and ravaging the countryside? The men of the group knew on instinct that these 500 pound land destroying monsters had to be stopped. One hero, half the size of even one of these leviathans bravely faced down hundreds of them, and with the manliest of manly throws took down one of these knife horned beasts! After he skillfully assassinated the behemoth he pulled out a sharpened rock, cut the damned thing open and ate its heart as a warning to all the other Elk in the region that their reign of terror was over. So manly was h,e in fact, that he even shared the meat with the women of the group- in return for no sex! Something I certainly could never do.
Sadly though, one of the women (obviously a part of the previously mentioned animal worshiping cults) refused even one bite of the meat. If only it was a real caveman experiment I’m sure the men of the group would have clubbed her, fucked her, and ate her share anyway. Maybe even ate her.
That is what men do. They kick ass! They don’t take shit! They eat meat. I don’t need science to tell me eating meat is good for me. I know it already. I had Fred Flintstone telling me all about it when I was a kid. Anybody remember Fred Flintstone? He was the manliest of men who ever lived. Let’s see what his dinner looked like.
In closing Vegan males are all pussies. To prove this I am issuing the $250 dollar challenge. If there are any men in the Michigan area who have been on a vegetarian diet for ten years or longer, I will meet you in a professional cage fight. If you win I will give you $250 dollars and an apology. Hopefully you will be strong enough to hold open the door to the arena. By the way, I never work out and I am about 175 pounds. I promise you my manliness will destroy you long before my fists even touch your weak Vegan face.
Put your money where your mouths are, you weak Vegan sissy boys. I am waiting. If not, then just shut up about your morally superior lifestyle. I promise I will beat it right out of you! Because my balls are as big as the DEATHSTAR! You, on the other hand, complain and whine if Bambi gets shot in the head, take vitamins to offset the the lack of meat, and have sex with women who have armpit hair. All of these things make me question if you even have testicles. I really hope somebody contacts me soon. I reallllly want to kick some vegan ass!