Satanists are a very amusing breed of people. We all knew one or two of them in high school. You know the kids I am talking about- the unattractive, loser dumbass that dressed all in black and wore a pentagram necklace in a vain attempt to creep you out.
You know, these guys.
The first thing that should be understood about the premise of satanism is that it is very, very,very, stupid. Why in the hell would you want to worship the losing team? Satan isn’t even all that powerful an angel to tell the truth. He is of the cherubim choir of angel. Don’t know what that is? Let me show you how artists usually draw cherub angels so you understand what these clowns worship.
Now if it were me, and I was trying to find a dark lord to worship I don’t think cupid up there would make the cut. No, I need my dark lords to be a little more… evil, and a whole shit ton less gay!
Which brings to me to my new favorite group, the GBLT Thule Society. You can find them here http://gblt.webs.com/index.htm
Who are the GBLT Thule Society, you ask? Well, they are a group of gay, satanic, neo- nazis that believe Hitler thought queers were awesome and had them over for late night picnics where they would drink wine and blow each other.
How scary and evil are the GBLT Thule Society? Lets take a look at their forum rules for a frightening look at this absolutely terrifying group.
1. We know Satan and his Demons are real beings. If you are LaVeyan, or feel otherwise, do not push your beliefs here.
So unlike Lavey- a well known and very bald satanist who didn’t believe Satan was real, these guys want to let you know HE IS! If you aren’t satanic enough to understand that Satan is real and has a very real army of bow-wielding cupids, then don’t push your shit on their forum. Understand, asshole?
2. People who sympathise with and/or support the enemies of Satan- Jews, Christians and Muslims WILL BE BANNED!
That’s right boys and girls. If you are an enemy of the GBLTTS’s evil dark lord they won’t curse you, hex you, or kill you. They will, however, make sure that your opinion is blocked from their dark domain FOREVER MUHAHAHAHA!
3. Blasphemy against Satan and/or his Demons will not be tolerated!
YES! I am sure now. It’s all so clear. Satan, the ruler of hell who started a rebellion in heaven against God and is surrounded by powerful demons needs a butt-pounding white supremacist to be offended on his behalf. How do you not tolerate a person who says something like…well, like this:
“Satan is a dumb shit, who got his gay cherub ass beat by a straight testosterone-filled angel named Michael who is a seraphim, not a pussy cherub like Satan.”
Are you going to ban me from your forum? Please don’t. The gay, nazi, satanic agenda is very important to me.
4. If you believe Satan and his Demons are evil, this is not the group for you, find another.
That’s right! Don’t you people understand that Satan has been the proven force of good in the world for the last seven thousand years? All these little cherubic bastards want to do is fill you full of love arrows! Especially if you are a gay neo-nazi- HAHAHA! I never get tired of saying that…gay neo-nazi. You might as well just call yourselves gay oxymorons.
5. Do not try to push Wiccan or other non-Satanic creeds here.
Yeah, assholes! This is for hard core Homosexual-neonazi-Satanists ONLY! We don’t believe in that stupid Wiccan religion, what a bunch of nonsense that is.
6. Do not try to promote individuals, groups or organizations who bash the Joy of Satan. Your posts will be deleted and you will be banned.
That would be me I guess. Interesting that it happens so much these guys made a rule for it.
7. Anyone who posts advocating anything illegal will be banned.
That’s right! The GBLTTS’s group of evil-worshiping satanists follow the law! They don’t do illegal shit or advocate any illegal activities at all. That is not how their dark lord rolls! He is all about truth, justice, and the American way. They use their dark powers and their forces of evil to rescue small drowning children, and to make sure old ladies can cross the street. Last year they raised $10,000 through their league of shadows fund to help bring awareness to animal cruelty everywhere!
This next rule is my favorite
8. Please be polite- flaming will not be tolerated.
I could literally write 8 blogs worth of material on just this one line, but for now we will just leave it with the obvious question.. What the fuck do poo pushing satanists do except flame?
I know this group of evil doers is scary and they obviously have a well thought out plan to lead their dark forces into the light and consume the world of goodness.
I won’t allow that to happen. Right here, right now I am challenging High Priest Jake Carlson and High Priest Mageson of the GBLTTS to a UFC cage fight. Both of you against one of me. Finally, the age old question shall be answered. Can a video game nerd [that would be me] take on not just one, but two gay-neo-nazi-Satanists? Men have been pondering that question since the dawn of time, and now is our chance to find out.
The world is waiting for your answer. Now stop cutting yourself and take the challenge.
I can’t believe it is 2012 and women are still actually following the dying religion that is feminism. Leave it to a woman to follow an obviously failed ideology for most of her life.
There have been many good articles about why feminism sucks in general, but I thought maybe I could reach out to feminists and save them from themselves. Now, I know many men out there think they can cure feminists by inserting their penis into one and humping the stupid out of them, but I am here to tell you it doesn’t work. Slapping them across their face doesn’t work either, because feminists are cowardly hypocrites that want equal rights until they get punched in the face. Then all of a sudden they say “I am a girl! I can’t believe he hit a girl!” Well believe it darlin’. That is how men get treated- with barbarism and ass kicking!
First, lets be honest. Women are not equal to men. It all comes down to 1 word, Testosterone! We have more of it and it makes us literally better at everything. It makes us faster, stronger, smarter and able to kick the average [and above average] woman’s ass if we decide the blood her nose produces goes good with our satin tie.
Feminists are the destroyers of the natural world. They actually think women are equal to men….I know, crazy isn’t it?
I decided I would point out (using my testosterone-filled man brain that beats the crap out of a feminist’s with one hand tied behind it’s back while enjoying a bowl of soup) why feminism is stupid and hypocritical.
First, let us examine the real reason feminists are upset. I pulled this picture from feminist.com showing their members and supporters to illustrate what the gripe really is. I circled the faces of the ones I wouldn’t have sex with. I also highlighted the one who’s sexuality is in question.
As you can clearly see, I would have zero sex with any of these women regardless of liquor intake. Since I am a very attractive man, I assume that other very attractive men also won’t have sex with them. Which puts them into the unfuckable category.
To be perfectly honest, if I couldn’t have sex with an attractive woman again for the rest of my life I would probably kill myself [hint hint]. These miserable creatures, though, decided that since they couldn’t have a decent man they would try to torture men to death instead using incessant bitching and their silly right to vote.
I want to reach out these women and try to help them get past their obvious physical shortcoming so that they no longer have an emotionally stunted existence filled with bitching and moaning about how oppressed women are, while leaving out how depressed men are having to hear about it. Below are a few tips to the women over at feminist.com to help them reach their obvious goal of attracting a smart and handsome man.
1. Lose some weight porkies.
For gods sakes your woman bodies are hideous. Do you switch off between bitching on the loud mic and stuffing cream filled treats into your mouths? How in the hell do you manage to scream about equality without your blood sugar bottoming out? I would also like to know how the shit you burn your bras with pudgy hands. Isn’t hard to work the Bic?
It isn’t that fat chicks aren’t allowed to have some love- they are! The problem you Fem creatures have is that fat chicks can usually get boned because they are really cool to hang out with, thus making up for their fatness and counter-acting a hot male’s general disgust at even being around them. Fem creatures are not cool to hang out with because they have no sense of humor and, well…they are fem creatures. Who wants to hang out with a bitch all day- especially a fat one?
2. Have you thought about plastic surgery? You should have by now because your faces look like they were pulled off by draft horses then sewn back on by leather face. At least wear some more make up or something. For the love of god do you actually like getting seen in public looking like that?
3. Stop burning your bras! Seriously stop it! Trust me when I tell you that you need them.
Now you might be thinking “Hey Unrighteousfury, you prick, maybe these hogs from aboutfeminist.com are gross and unboneable but that doesn’t mean most feminists aren’t attractive!
Really? Lets take a look shall we. Here are some pics of some of the most famous fem creatures of all time.
Think I hand picked these women? Think again.
Any feminist I have looked up is an ugly old hog. Look for yourself.
Feminists are the left overs. They are the women that get upset that other women have hot men and try to convince them it is wrong by telling them that being with a man is shackling. The truth is they are pissed off that you have a man that is willing to sleep with you. It is as simple as that.
Let me tell you where the feminist ideal really starts to fail though. You see, technology is all that allows women to have any real intrinsic value on society. They can type, and do some basic math for accounting- oh and lets not forget most teachers are women [yuck]. Look how well that has worked for our young.
Think women can do more, do you? That’s because you never looked at the statistics. A whopping 83% of engineering degrees are earned by men, while women get useless degrees in the arts. That’s right! Men are out there building shit like bridges and spaceships. It’s time women just came out and said the truth. It isn’t that you don’t want to work on engineering projects you just can’t! Anybody who has ever seen a woman try to build something knows instinctively that it is going to be a fail! How many female mechanics would you take your car to? That’s what I thought.
Sooner or later the technological clock is going to go back to zero. Either a cataclysmic event will happen, or a man made event will happen, but rest assured it will happen. Technology will one day [and probably soon] collapse. When that happens men are going to begin to look at women like we used to. Simply put, how much value is a feminist going to bring to the table when technology fails? Let’s find out.
The first value a woman will have in a post apocalyptic society will of course be her sex appeal. As we have plainly seen feminists don’t have any.
The second value will be a woman’s ability to birth children and be a good mother. Feminists selfishly believe that children are burdensome to women [like women have so much more to offer]. Because of this, feminists have lost their mommy instinct. Men pick up on that, just so you fem creatures know. If you have no sex appeal or ability to be a good mom, men will just pass right by you [kinda like they do now].
The third thing men will look for is obedience from their women. I can almost see the fems shivering at the mere mention of this quality. Think about it though, why should I protect you from marauding men, psychopaths, and the elements if you can’t suck up to me a little bit, ok…well maybe a lot.
Yup! When the technological clock goes back to zero fems will be fucked, and not in a good way. I just don’t see what value they will bring to the table. A fem might say “We will build our own female communes that are self sufficient and do our own hunting and grow our own food.” Fine. That will work out perfectly until a band of marauding testosterone filled men decide to take it from you. Guess what? There won’t be a damn thing you can do about it either.
In today’s society you are only just tolerated not liked. In a post apocalyptic society you will be worse than useless. I am here to help you, though, fem creatures. I know…. BIG HEART! I have included some pictures below to help you on your hopefully new found quest to be the subservient, child bearing, man obeying, woman you have the potential to be.
Step 1: Practice sucking now!
Step 2: Learn how to carry our shit like the mule you will be.
Step 3: Shut the fuck up!
Welp, good luck to ya. I hope these tricks and tips can help the feminist movement going forward. Even if you decide not to follow them now make a mental note…sooner or later…
Why the crap does MSNBC feel the need to have nothing but ugly, whiny, shit head commentators on their networks? How in the world anything with a pair of testicles can watch this shit without going to the kitchen, grabbing out a knife, and cutting out their own still beating heart is beyond me.
Don’t get me wrong, the news on MSNBC is great. I just don’t know why they can’t hire commentators that don’t make me physically ill on sight. Let me try to explain this formula to MSNBC so that they can make the necessary changes and maybe even get some men to watch their network again.
Note: I tried to save your eyes from this horror by making the picture of Maddow as small as I could.
I don’t know how MSNBC missed the memo that men are much more willing to listen to what you have to say if you are hot. While Megyn is obviously up to par, Maddow up there looks like the one woman in the club that even the creepy, gross, Mexican dude in the corner with the molester half mustache can’t bring himself- drunk as he is- to say anything to.
You could try to make the argument, I guess, that they are trying to appeal to females but that is just a shitty business model. Come on! How many women do you know that actually follow the news? Two..maybe three? Men watch the news, and they don’t want to see dikes with wide brimmed glasses giving their opinions on womens reproductive health like she knows what the fuck she is talking about! When you play rug doctor with your crevice-cleaning girlfriend like she does, I don’t think you need to worry too much about getting pregnant.
Is it really any wonder that nobody wants to watch your pussy programing MSNBC? Or that your ratings are dropping faster than a prom dress?
Look at these fucking hosts. They look like the perfect line up of assholes you probably beat the crap out of and made fun of in high school while they pined after your hot cheerleader girlfriend. Well I guess they really showed their bullies, didn’t they? After spending tens of thousands of dollars on Ivy League educations they can now disgust their bullies to death by showing up on their TV screens night after night bitching about how evil their SUV is. Take that! You jock asshole with the hot girlfriend!
Here is another of my favorites,
Yup, when men get home from a hard day at work the thing they want the most is to watch a fat, irate fuck bitch about inequality. Ed is like the fat missing link. He is the Darwinian proof that the right wing has needed all of these years to prove without a doubt that evolution is a failed theory because Ed even exists. This guy claims he had a revelation to become a liberal while eating a bologna sandwich. The sandwich part I can understand, if you watch this turd on a high def tv, you can actually see the sweat gathering under his jowls. When big, fat, rich, white men start talking about equality I can’t help but laugh. Call me crazy.
Then finally we have this turd.
Asshole Lawrence up there [HAH his name is Lawrence what a tool] has a show on MSNBC called “Last Word with Lawrence O’ Fuck Face.” He should have, of course, immediately changed the name to “Can’t Get a Word In with Lawrence O’ Fuck Face,” but I guess that wouldn’t be good marketing [something MSNBC obviously doesn't know how to do, hence my soft penis while watching their programming.] Lawrence up there is a self described socialist who stands in the mirror every day trying to master his scary face in case he manages to book an evil, rich, white guy who owns a gun on his show. Then he sternly attempts to talk down to them via monitor because he is to chicken shit to tell them to their faces how he really feels. What a pussy!
MSNBC has had some sort of strange marketing campaign going on called “leaning forward” where they let these walking scrotums tell you all about how you need to lean forward while the government no lube fucks you in the ass! Below I have created a video for your watching amusement on my youtube page explaining this campaign in all of it’s glory.